Expert in Love

Have you ever heard a song, listened to a lecture, or sat through a sermon and thought ‘Wow! This is for me.’? Well that’s what happened to me today at church. God gave the right words to my pastor today that just spoke to me.

Over the past month, I have been really trying to hold my tongue. I thought that when people found out I was leaving, that they would be sympathetic and sad to see me go. Guess what! I’m not as hot as I thought I was. The same people, who rejected me, still continue to do so, and will be doing it as I taxi out of Swaziland. I guess I shouldn’t have expected them to actually be sad, but a simple “thank you for all you’re hard work” would certainly have alleviated my anguished feelings I associate with them. Instead I am left with the impression that they never liked me, and when they weren’t talking about me behind my back (or in front of me in Siswati), they only acknowledged me when they wanted something.  To be perfectly honest, I HATE that. I sincerely HATE that I am left with that impression. My whole two years here, I tried to get this certain group of people to warm up to me, I wanted to work with them and not against them. And I am still for the life of me trying to figure out why they despise me, though I have an idea which I believe is really too petty for me to even type. The stress that I had while being here wasn’t caused by the lack of amenities I had been accustomed to in the states, it was from the group of people who on a daily basis stole my joy.

I admit, while they may have been the cause, I have only myself to blame for becoming distressed. I was letting the enemy claim defeat. I was ready to walk into my Head Teacher’s office on Wednesday and tell him that I quit and will finish my last month of service at my other school. But then, today I was encouraged by Paul. Paul of Tarsus, you know that guy who wrote half of the New Testament 2000 years ago. In church, we read Philippians 1, and I swear to you— my ears were burning!

In Philippians 1, Paul is chained up and under house arrest. He couldn’t even lie down without hearing the shackles move, but he still prayed with joy (v.4)! Then he goes on to say in v.6 that God is STILL doing a great work in us. Paul viewed his adversity with joy, and saw it as a way to promote the gospel. Me, I see it as stopping point and a time to be bitter and complain. If I truly am a Christian like I claim to be, I need to be thankful for what God has accomplished and be confident in God’s ability to bring His work to completion. I need to look at my adversity and rejoice that God has brought me to that circumstance, and rejoice that He will bring me through it! And when I think about v.6 and how it says He will continue a good work in us until the day of completion on the day of our Lord; I also let that resonate, that He will continue to help me do good work until my PC service is complete in 4 weeks.  God has given me the strength to do this for 2 years… and He is going to remain doing it all the way up to the last minute. So if God clearly says He is not giving up on us, than I shouldn’t give up on myself.

I thought that message right there was enough to sustain me for the rest of my time here, but then our pastor went on to read verses 9-11. The bullet point she used, was we need to “cultivate agape love towards one another”. In order to experience all that God has for us, we have to grow in our love for each other. We need to be experts in love! Confession time: I definitely wasn’t feeling the love for that group of people in my community who slandered my name. Who am I to complain?  Paul was in chains when he wrote in Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always!” If I am to be pure and blameless, I need to grow in love. 

Speaking of being pure and blameless (v.10-11), the literal translation means “not to stumble against”. *Again, at this point, my ears where burning. On Wednesday, when I had planned to tell my Head Teacher I quit, I also planned on giving those teachers a piece of my mind once and for all. Thank God the Lord stopped me with these words today, cause I was surely about to make a fool of myself. I genuinely want others to see Christ when they look at me. How would those teachers ever had known that, if my head is about to pop off? What I learned today is that our lives are either a smooth path that others will see God, or they are rough and distracting so that others will stumble to see the truth.  Looks like I have my work cut out for me this week.

Hebrews 12:14 “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”