You've Lived in Swaziland When....

“When you go back to America, you can say you really lived here”. This is a statement that a Swazi friend of mine said to me.  I’ve lived in Swaziland now for 21 months. I feel like it’s enough time to give me the authority to say I know a thing or two about the country. As I sat thinking about my time here, I started a mental list of things I found specific to Swaziland. You could definitely make a list of how you know you’ve lived in Africa, as well as a list of being a PCV. These are just the things that I have encountered while being here.

 You've lived in Swaziland.....

When you’ve killed a chicken with your bare hands.
                When I lived with host family during PST, I killed a chicken with a small steak knife. No quick WHACK, no breaking of the neck, but a slow death for the poor little bird. It sure tasted good though.

When you’ve seen a man pay for his wife with cows.

                Traditional Swazi culture states that the man pays a lobola or bride price for his wife. The standard amount for a woman is 12 cows, royalty gets 35, and I set my price for 51. As archaic as this idea may seem, it is still practiced by most Swazi families. At the wedding I went to, the groom paid 12 cows, and the baby daddy paid 5 cows because she gave him a child. So in total the bride’s family got 17 cows.

When you’ve had a kid pee on you.
                I was working at Neighborhood Care Point center in the rural areas, I picked up a baby to play with, and she peed all down my shirt. It's not the fact that a kid peed on me that made this specific to Swaziland, but that the kid was an orphan. Swaziland has a high population of OVCs, and all of them are cute. You come here and want to hold and kiss all of them, and by that standard, it increases your risk of being a human toilet.

The culprit

When you’ve had a frog jump out of your drain while you shower.
               Most people in Swaziland bathe in a bucket; I however have a shower. The shower is outside. Therefore, I have to compete with snails, spiders and frogs for bathroom space. The first time I saw a head coming out of my drain, I thought it was a snake. Then when I saw that head jump out of the drain I ran out of the bathroom naked into the back yard. 

When you’ve had a lizard fall on your face.
                Like most warm climate areas, small lizards roam everywhere. Whatever you do, there is no way to prevent them from getting into your house. At first I was scared to death of these things, but over time I’ve learned to co-exist with these creatures. I see them on my walls, whatever. They’ve hidden in my laundry, whatever. But when I saw gravity get the best of the lizard hanging on my ceiling, I have a problem. Thank God I have my cats to chase after and eat the lizards.

When a man has proposed to you before he’s even seen your face.
                As a female in Swaziland, you’re guaranteed to get proposed to everyday. As a white female, you’re guaranteed to be proposed to 10 times a day. At first it was flattering, now it’s just annoying. My back is turned to them, but because they see I am white, its like I'm the golden ticket.

Just one of my many suitors.

When boMake fight over you to marry their sons.
                At church, at the supermarket, in the staff room at school, wherever there are several women around who find out I am unmarried, there is sure to be bidding war for me to be their Makhoti (daughter in law)

When you see kids playing with condoms as toys.
                It’s a fact the HIV is a problem in Swaziland. The government has made condoms accessible to the country. They are in every public bathroom, the library, the shopping center, the rental office, and on the bus. It’s no wonder why kids use these things as balloons.

When playing with a fake penis doesn’t faze you anymore.
                Life skills lessons, gotta love them. Every class learns how to use a condom properly, and since we're "professionals" its no bananas for us.

When you’ve seen more real penises than you care to.
                Public urination is a common past time for men here. As you’re walking, driving, standing….. you’ll see a guy whip it out and let it rip.

When you’ve met a prince.
                The king’s father had over 250 children. The size of the country makes it very likely that you’ll run into someone from the royal linage.So far, I've met 3.

When you’ve been to a 6 to 6 house party.
                When I say house, I don’t mean the place you sleep. I am referring to the house music genre. If you go to any club, disco, bar, etc., you’re sure to have a good time. When I saw 6 to 6, I literally mean that they start partying at 6pm-6pm. Some of the best times of my life.  

When you’ve been on public transportation that has 20 people when it should only fit 12.
                You have to get over your issue of personal boundaries if you ever want to get to town. The bus will always be filled, and if you’re lucky you’ll actually get to have your own seat. No sharing with an overweight grandma, a box of chickens, or a baby who keeps crying.

When having a candle light dinner isn’t romantic anymore.
                If there is a gust of wind, expect the power to go out. If you see clouds or hear thunder, do yourself a favor and have the candles ready. You’re in Africa now. Say goodbye to stable electricity.

When you’ve had the best braai of your life.
                Shame on me for thinking that a hotdog and a hamburger were acceptable pieces of meat for a cookout. If there isn’t a full pig or cow on the grill, it isn’t a party.

Pig Head. Yeah. It's as good as it looks.

When you’ve stopped wearing pants.
                Gone are the days of wearing pants. It’s so hot here; you’d be crazy to put on jeans. Ditch the trousers and wrap lihiya (yard of fabric) around your waist.

When the streets in your village have been washed away from the rainstorm.
                If you live in an area with tar roads in this country, you are considered to be the 1%.  The rainstorms are no joke here. I have to find alternate routes to school after a rainstorm because the puddles are too big to jump over, or my shoes will get stuck in the mud.

When you’ve cried at a sunset.
                Fact: Africa has the most beautiful sunsets.

When you’ve seen a snake.
                Notorious for being the home of the world’s most poisonous snake, Swaziland is hosts to many venomous creatures. Hopefully you won’t have one in your hut, your front yard, on your road to school, or under your chair…

When your family sized has increased.
                I can say that now I have 3 moms, 2 fathers, 5 sisters, 10 brothers, and about 100 children. It’s not a figure of speech, but a reality. If you come here, the people will adopt you into your family.

Festive Season

It’s that time of year again where Swazis take a break from their life and just go at it for the next couple months. What I’ve learned from last year is, don’t plan anything at the end of your third term. From December to the end of January, Swazis know how to let their hair down and have fun! School is out, departments are closing and best of all—it’s hot as _____.  All a person wants to do is be outside and enjoy the nice weather. It isn’t as hot as it was last year, but there have been plenty of days where you want to soak yourself in the pool all day.  There is a braai (cook out) for anything and everything. I especially love that my birthday falls right in the middle of it all.

Last week I had yet again another huge party. I was saying good-bye to 25 and moving one step closer to 30 (yikes!). Several of the PCVS came out, and all of my Swazi and South African friends made an appearance. Glasses were broken, tables were destroyed, pools were invaded, and the crowd was happy. We had some special guests, my friends who are DJs from SA came out to play, which was really exciting. By 2 am, the country club told us to go home, and since I am a broke volunteer who has no money to bribe with, I had to follow.

The following week was Ingcwala- it is a Swazi holiday whereby the country celebrates the first fruits. It’s a very big cultural event which centers on the king. In actuality, Ingcwala lasts for an entire month. The king goes into seclusion, a bull is killed by the bare hands of a young male, and there are water people who go door to door seeing if you have broken any of the traditional rules, like painting of the fingernails… gasp! Ok, maybe you need to be here to get the whole picture, but it’s pretty cool.

Before all these cultural celebrations took place, I had my school’s Christmas pageant. I wouldn’t be a good teacher if I didn’t brag about how well they did! Look at the pics below to see just how cute my kids are. 

Now finally, it is time for my vacation…… I told my mom I was going to Cape Town, but just like the good daughter I am [not]….. I didn’t tell her I am actually going home to America! As I am typing this blog, I am sitting in the Joburg airport. I have 23 hours of travel ahead of me. So in about 24 hours, I am going to be surprising her at the house. Be sure to check-out my next blog, when I post a video of her reaction!

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Epic Weekend

The previous weekend was one big party. My friends from South Africa came up and we spent the past few days having a good time. It all started on a Thursday when I went to the Swear-in Ceremony for the new G-11 kids. To read about mine last year, click here. The Deputy Prime Minister and the US ambassador were in attendance. It was great to get to chat with the ambassador again, Mrs. James is one of the coolest diplomats I’ve ever met, and she is a huge supporter of PCVs. After the swear-in ceremony, as per tradition, we took the new volunteers out dancing for the night.

Back at site by Friday I rested up for what would become an epic weekend. By Saturday I went to the Matsapha Prison. Apparently prisons in Swaziland are basically one big social center. As my friends and I were hanging out in the yard of the prison, you’d see a convict walking in the distance.  I told them, never in America would this happen, we would have high security, fenced in walls… and definitely cars would not be allowed to park outside and hang out. This is just another thing to add to my list, only in Swaziland. After that, we went back to the Pub and Grill in Ezulweni, the same place we took the volunteers on Thursday. Only this time, the party just went on longer. By 3am, I was still dancing. Turns out that famous SA DJ Oskida was there too; we found out he would be performing at another club the following night, so we decided to check it out.

 By day number 3, I started to get sick and my voice was slowly fading- that didn’t stop me. On our way out to the hotel, we ran into Bohloja- he is a famous DJ in Swaziland and has his face posted on billboards throughout the country. Later on that day, we ran into another celebrity- he is a famous South African soap opera star. At the royal residence were we attended Umhlanga, we watch over 100,000 maidens throughout SD deliver reeds to the queen mother. Whilst walking the grounds, I was approached by African News Network for an interview. It was just something quick about what I like about Umhlanga and whatnot. Apparently it aired on Swazi TV Tuesday, because I had several friends call me telling me that they saw me on TV. Pretty cool eh? We stayed at the royal residence for a couple hours, and ended up being the last ones there- literally. My friends and I were in the stands singing popular song, Khona and dancing with the girls. My “daughter” who was participating in the event saw me and came up to greet me. After managing our way out of the stadium (because it was locked), we went back to the hotel and changed to get ready for DJ Oskida. At the club, I had yet another news crew interviewed me to promote the event. Man, I should start charging for all these interviews and photos! Anyways, after only 2 hours there, I was feeling very sick, so I left early to rest up for the main event the next day.

Finally on Monday, it was time for the reed dance (the main event of Umhlanga). All the girls come into the stadium and dance for the king. Traditionally, this is where the king would pick a wife… but it has been over 8 years since he has chosen one. My connections worked in my favor once again. A friend of mine who hangs out in Simunye is related to the king (not as big of a deal as you would think, but still pretty cool). I ran into him at the event as he was talking to other officials. I was able to chat with the first prince of SD. I told him I had seen him before last year at my swear-in ceremony. When I told him I was the girl who did the high kick, he started laughing and said he remembered that time and loved seeing that dance. Hmmm. Maybe I have a future career in store for me?

So that was the jist of the weekend; my friends have gone back to SA and I have retired to my bed. Until next time…

Irony of Freedom Day

                            It’s been 5 weeks since I had the pleasure of getting my stuff stolen. To the guy who broke into my house—thank you for giving me headache, but in the end I got the last laugh. I was pleasantly surprised by the Swazi police; they supersede my expectations.  Within two weeks of the incident, the police found one of my missing items and had a good lead on the case. By the third week, the cops showed up at my door with the criminal in cuffs telling me they found all my things (well almost—I can kiss the missing cash goodbye). They escorted the criminal into my house so he could show the cops where exactly he took my things… only in Swaziland.

                Three days later, I went to court and was able to petition for my things, while in the meantime the judge sent the band of thugs (the three brothers) to jail while we wait our trail date. While I was taking the stand, the judge told me the next trial date would be July 4^th. “Objection!” is what I wanted to scream, but I remained silent and waited to talk to my security advisor, hoping he could tell the judge we had a very important party to get to.  We were not able to change the court date, but I shouldn’t complain. The fact that I can get a court date so soon is very rare.

                Yesterday, (July 4) was the awaited court date. I arrived at the courthouse at 9:30, and waited in the lobby till about 11:30. Looking at my watch and hoping to get this show on the road, I was finally ushered into the chambers. I took the stand and prepared to take the oath. The funny thing is I can hardly understand these Swazi’s. They speak English in an accent; they speak very soft and mumble their words. So being in a huge courtroom that has the best/worst acoustics, I couldn’t hear the judge to repeat the oath. What I said went a little something like this, “I solemnly swear… that the entrance(?)… truce (?)… Excuse me, can you please repeat? I can’t understand you.”  Yea… that’s exactly what I said.  Anyways, after I butchered the oath, I then answered 50 of the same questions from the prosecutor. I then had to prove that the items stolen belong to me. I tried not to sound sarcastic in my answers… but honestly I was so ready to be done with this. Each item I relayed, I said something like “…..from America”.  The trial prolonged a couple more hours. When it came time for the perp to speak, the judge asked why he was staying in my village. He said that he was a student at the high school I work at. I almost jumped out of my seat. This kid DEFINITELY was not one of my students. Did he even realize that I was a teacher? Thankfully the judge saw right through his bull S***. They boy found himself in a web of lies, which eventually led the court to the decision of Guilty with the boys spending 3 years in prison with no option of a fine for early release.  Very happy with the outcomes, especially since I got my stuff back and everything was settled within that one trial date.

So now that 2 guys lost their freedom, it was off to the capital to celebrate mine! Sadly, due to the long trial, I was extremely late to the Country Directors house. I missed meeting the new volunteers and the food was all picked over. The weather was also cold and rainy (it is winter after all). Looking back at last year’s 4th of July, this was stark different.  But reflecting on my year here in this country I am more patriotic than ever.  I can watch the news and be disgusted by some of the stories I see happening in the states, but after living in SD, I am so thankful for my freedom and my rights, and I am extremely proud to be an American!

Birthday Week… err, Month!

 
2012 marked 25 years that I've graced this world with my presence. On the 15^th, I had one of the best birthdays ever… however, my Little Mermaid party is a close second. Typically the whole month of December is dedicated to both Jesus and my birthday, but unfortunately Peace Corps interrupted my celebration habits with a week of IST (in service training). So on the 14^th I started the celebration with one of my friends coming up for a Friday night braai. Then on Saturday the real party began. Can I first just say how excited I was to have a birthday in the Summer time?! It may sound ridiculous, but every birthday so far has been accompanied by cold, gloomy, snowy weather. That is why this year I HAD to have a pool party! It may seem as if I am rubbing my "posh corps" lifestyle in your face, but I can't help it if I was placed with a pool in my back yard. 

By noon, my community was crowded with Americans—we had overtaken the place. Sunbathing, cocktails, good music and food, what more could a girl ask for. The party started at 9am and lasted throughout the night. By midnight I had 12 people stuffed in my house, and another 12 camping in tents on my front lawn. I may have forgotten to tell them about the snakes, but luckily there were no fatalities. Sunday was an encore to the previous day's festivities and so it continued onto Monday. Here it is Saturday again, and I still have people staying with me. I've calculated the dates and I am going to be crowded with people well into the New Year. First comes Christmas in a couple days, naturally it will be spent at the CC. Then almost immediately I will be on the sandy beaches of Mozambique dipping my feet in the Indian Ocean as I ring in the New Year. Can't wait to tell you all about my trip!

Ube Khrismusi lomuhle!