Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I've purposely kept my private life private, but with every new season comes change. I suppose it's time I open up a bit and share about what is very special to me. Sometimes you have to get out of your environment to really appreciate someone or something. The someone I am referring to is my boyfriend of six years, Jason. It's been quite the journey for us since I've been here. Before I left, I always avoided the conversation of “what's going to happen when you leave”, and due to my negligence, I came to Swaziland uncertain. In my defense, at the time I didn't know what I wanted and I also didn't know what to expect while I was here. So answering that question of what will happen, was something that I figured would unfold itself as time went on. Spoiler Alert: it did.

To catch you all up, on our relationship “pre-Swaziland”, we had been long distance for the entire four years, only seeing each other on weekends. That wasn't a major problem though, since I was nonstop working and we both had school to manage through. It did play a sour part though in how I perceived the relationship. I had never seen what true love looked like, and I didn't know what a healthy relationship was. Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing and probably should have stayed single till I had it figured out. Luckily though, I had a man who was patient and stuck with me. It's safe to say that I've aged him a few extra years.

Speed up to my two years in here in Swaziland, Jason continued to be constant support for me. He amazingly enough called me multiple times a week and we'd talk for hours. You don't even want to imagine how fast an international phone bill adds up so quickly. And all those trips I took, remember the one to Durban and my Christmas vacation home to America.... all him! But it's not those extravagant things that made me say, “Wow. This guy here!”. It was the fact that when I still “didn't have time to talk” here in Swaziland, he was patient with me.

It took awhile for me to finally come around. I think the deciding moment was seeing all the unhealthy relationships here. Monogamy in Swaziland is for the birds. Men have a wife and about 3 girlfriends. Women have a husband and then some too. *Not everyone... but I can count on one hand all the healthy relationships I've encountered.* I just came to a point where I got so sick of seeing this, and I had a bit of self reflection. I thought, I am sitting here slowing self-destructing. Eventually his patience will run out, and I'll be damned if I ever find a guy as good as Jason. I'm literally throwing this all away... and for what? Eventually my two years will be over and it'll be time to come home, but by then, it'll be too late.

This is why I wanted to take the time to publicly acknowledge the number one man in my life. It is six years overdue. As you can tell, it hasn't been all roses, and it certainly wasn't a walk in the park for Jason. Through a lot of hard work and communication I feel like finally we are on the same page and have the same goal in mind (and no, not marriage... but maybe!). Swaziland was a life changing experience in all forms of the phrase. The thing I am most thankful for is how it saved our relationship. I'd like to think that had I stayed in America, I'd eventually mature into a healthy state; but I really believe that because of my stubbornness and reluctance to admit I need to change, something drastic had to happen, like a change of environment.

So what's next for us? Well in about three months, he'll be flying back over here to travel through southern Africa with me. Then hopefully we will finally make the move and no-longer be long distance. 

Two Years Under the Belt

I feel like I am off my game. Since my computer broke 2 months ago, I've not done any writing. I'm forcing myself here to sit down and share my thoughts, but my words have escaped me. The other day I read a sample of my writing that was from my last month in America (May 2012). I couldn't believe how well I use to write! Being here, my use of the English vocabulary is about the standard of my overall cleanliness... which isn't much; it comes with the territory. I'm so glad I forgone grad school for the time being. It'd be a quick dose of reality when I see my first paper dosed with red markings. My first task upon arrival, besides eating a foot long from Subway, will be to get re-acclimated into the English language (which doesn't mean learning such phrases as “turnt up” or “I can't”). It'll be nice to speak in a manner that isn't slow and not take any pauses.

Speaking of coming home, you're probably wondering when that is. If you've been a faithful reader or have noticed that my heading says “two years in Swaziland”, then you know that two years is now now. However, my work is far from over, and I still have a ways to go. Peace Corps lets us COS (close of service) within in a three month period. It is the month before our swear-in date in July, then officially 2 years in August, or a month after our swear-in date in September. Most PCVs are jumping on the first plane in July, I'm waiting a little longer. I initially was planning on extending my service for a third year, so I had been living and making plans like I was going to be around for some time. For personal reasons that include missing hot showers, I decided last minute to come home as scheduled this year. This decision threw a wrench in my plans. I have several projects that now I need to close and then pass over. I also didn't plan on being home so early. So rather than take the GRE and apply to grad schools now, I am going to take the remaining months of the year when I am home to get sorted. I will share more of those plans in a later blog when it comes closer to check out of here, but I am content with my decision.

This past week we had a COS conference at this beautiful lodge in Swaziland. It was our final workshop and the best one yet! This conference gave us the logistics of how we leave the country; there are a bunch of checklists and signatures to be had if I ever want to leave. We also spent the bulk majority of the time preparing for when we are back home. We learned about our options as a RPCV (returned peace corps volunteer), and how to market all our skills that we have obtained over the two years. The biggest skill I think all of us could say we have mastered, is patience. We joke, but going back to America, to a fast pace- stressed induced culture, we will be rather zen-like compared to the rest. That is a skill that can only be acquired through waiting countless hours for transportation, meetings to start, and people to show up. It is tested by taking days to have clothes finally cleaned and more importantly dry, by taking years for people to finally pronounce your name correctly, let alone remember it. It is well-tried though our cooking skills and learning how to make something out of nothing, and from being interrupted every five minutes by a pack of little hands knocking on your door as you try to sleep in on your day off.

At the conference, someone said that as a PCV, we got a Ph.D in Life. At this point, we are all, whether we admit it or not, a glass case of emotions-- and we should be. We've seen and been through more than most ever will, and now it is coming to an end. Our standard of living varies between each PCV, and so do our experiences, but as we came together last week, we all shared the same frustration, the same concern, and the same sense of pride for our community. It's so cliché, but these two years have taught me to enjoy life and make the most of every opportunity.