This is a question I’ve been going over and over in my head
for the past month. As projects seem to be failing, and my good intentions are
being mocked and ignored; I ask, “Do you really even want my help?” I’ve been
faced with a lot of challenges during this journey, all which come in some
different shape and form, to the point where you can’t even prepare for it. I
guess now that I am nearing the end of my service (5 months and counting) I’m
starting to look back and see what changes I’ve made. I’ll be honest, it’s not like I had hoped
for. When following me over the last two years, you may have seen all the
programs I had introduced and initiatives I have led; so why the sudden letdown?
There are several reasons to this which I’ll further explain.
White Doesn’t Mean
Rich
NGO’s, faith-based organizations and other overseas-aid have really ruined it for foreigners living in developing countries. For decades, westerners have been coming to Africa with their sunblock and pocketbooks and started signing checks for every baby they hugged. Youth-groups have come for a week period with bags of their used clothes and spare change, and gave it away for every soccer game they played. NGO’s pull up in their big SUVs and build nice buildings, fill it with limited resources, then say God Bless. So it’s no wonder that when they see an umlungu (foreigner), they expect something, preferably of monetary value, from you. This presents a problem for them, and for me. At the beginning kids flocked to my house, but when they realized they weren’t getting sweets or money they stopped coming. When community members didn’t see me taking off my scarves to give them or bring bundles of ipads, my appeal slowly faded. “So what good is this umlungu?” they may ask. My response, “I came to help you help your community. Notice how I didn’t leave you out? This means I want you to actually partake in this and work with me.” The message was received, but the concept is so unlike anything else they have seen, that thus far it hasn’t been the easiest.
NGO’s, faith-based organizations and other overseas-aid have really ruined it for foreigners living in developing countries. For decades, westerners have been coming to Africa with their sunblock and pocketbooks and started signing checks for every baby they hugged. Youth-groups have come for a week period with bags of their used clothes and spare change, and gave it away for every soccer game they played. NGO’s pull up in their big SUVs and build nice buildings, fill it with limited resources, then say God Bless. So it’s no wonder that when they see an umlungu (foreigner), they expect something, preferably of monetary value, from you. This presents a problem for them, and for me. At the beginning kids flocked to my house, but when they realized they weren’t getting sweets or money they stopped coming. When community members didn’t see me taking off my scarves to give them or bring bundles of ipads, my appeal slowly faded. “So what good is this umlungu?” they may ask. My response, “I came to help you help your community. Notice how I didn’t leave you out? This means I want you to actually partake in this and work with me.” The message was received, but the concept is so unlike anything else they have seen, that thus far it hasn’t been the easiest.
When I Say Now, You
Say Later. When You Say Now, I Say Now Now
This leads me to my next point. I know my time here is limited and I will be leaving soon. This sense of urgency has thrust me to always be in “go mode”. When I introduce a project, I set a timeline, that timeline doesn’t consist of hosting 5 more meetings over a month span, to clarify everything we’ve discussed, before we start. It this also means that when you tell me you want to do XYZ, I will take you for your word and do it. Don’t be surprised when I actually come to you with what you asked for. So many of my projects live in purgatory; I sit waiting and waiting and waiting…… for what? I’m still trying to answer that. Call me crazy, or blame it on my American values, but when I schedule a meeting, I actually start at the time I say. The reason why our clubs haven’t taken off is because I need participants to arrive on time. It’s hard to do anything when everyone shows up in the last ten minutes.
“What takes a day in a 1st world country, takes a week to do in a 3rd world country. What takes a week, takes a month, and what takes a month, takes a year”.
This leads me to my next point. I know my time here is limited and I will be leaving soon. This sense of urgency has thrust me to always be in “go mode”. When I introduce a project, I set a timeline, that timeline doesn’t consist of hosting 5 more meetings over a month span, to clarify everything we’ve discussed, before we start. It this also means that when you tell me you want to do XYZ, I will take you for your word and do it. Don’t be surprised when I actually come to you with what you asked for. So many of my projects live in purgatory; I sit waiting and waiting and waiting…… for what? I’m still trying to answer that. Call me crazy, or blame it on my American values, but when I schedule a meeting, I actually start at the time I say. The reason why our clubs haven’t taken off is because I need participants to arrive on time. It’s hard to do anything when everyone shows up in the last ten minutes.
“What takes a day in a 1st world country, takes a week to do in a 3rd world country. What takes a week, takes a month, and what takes a month, takes a year”.
Communication- the
Key to Everything
Verbal, Non-verbal, SiSwati, English- why can’t we seem to get this right? This school year, has been so hectic for no reason. It’s been 8 weeks into the school year and we still can’t seem to have an organized schedule. I think my schedule has been changed seven times so far. Yes, I am lucky that we even have a timetable and that I am scheduled in it; however, what my colleagues fail to realize, is that I work all over the community. So when you change my schedule at school, you also force me to change it everywhere else. Then, when I am not told about the change in the timetable, I am the one looking bad because I am missing classes. For the past two weeks, I have missed classes because no one informed me about this change. English isn’t always the common denominator; and speaking about me in SiSwati to others while I am sitting at the next table, isn’t polite. Honestly I don’t know how to tackle this issue. In my life skills classes I have talked about communication skills, being tolerant, respectful, fair, and so far it’s been good. I just wish this would spread throughout the school.
Verbal, Non-verbal, SiSwati, English- why can’t we seem to get this right? This school year, has been so hectic for no reason. It’s been 8 weeks into the school year and we still can’t seem to have an organized schedule. I think my schedule has been changed seven times so far. Yes, I am lucky that we even have a timetable and that I am scheduled in it; however, what my colleagues fail to realize, is that I work all over the community. So when you change my schedule at school, you also force me to change it everywhere else. Then, when I am not told about the change in the timetable, I am the one looking bad because I am missing classes. For the past two weeks, I have missed classes because no one informed me about this change. English isn’t always the common denominator; and speaking about me in SiSwati to others while I am sitting at the next table, isn’t polite. Honestly I don’t know how to tackle this issue. In my life skills classes I have talked about communication skills, being tolerant, respectful, fair, and so far it’s been good. I just wish this would spread throughout the school.
All My Intentions Are
Good, Trust Me
My school’s library project has been one of my biggest tasks since I started. I’ve put a lot of time and care into this, so you can see why I am going to be protective of how the library is ran. Within a months’ time, the organization of the library has been less than desirable. Partly because students have been flocking to check out books (which is amazing!) and it’s been hard to keep up, but also we’ve been changing the organization structures of the department. People have been moving around, but I have still maintained my little corner of the library, so let me help you!!! I am not trying to undermine anyone, but when there hasn’t been any training taken place, I feel it my duty to show you. As I said before, I’m leaving soon, so I won’t always be there to sort out the library cards and correctly record them. Then there are the other areas of my service where I’ve done my part. I was asked to help with any given project and so I made myself available, I’ve showed up, I participated, I gave input and ideas, I followed, then I was disrespected, I loosened my reigns, and stepped aside…. In the end, I was the one who “let them down”. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and will be eager to help, but I’ve learned I can’t please everyone, so when I see myself not being valued, I know when to step back. Don’t say I didn’t try, please don’t.
My school’s library project has been one of my biggest tasks since I started. I’ve put a lot of time and care into this, so you can see why I am going to be protective of how the library is ran. Within a months’ time, the organization of the library has been less than desirable. Partly because students have been flocking to check out books (which is amazing!) and it’s been hard to keep up, but also we’ve been changing the organization structures of the department. People have been moving around, but I have still maintained my little corner of the library, so let me help you!!! I am not trying to undermine anyone, but when there hasn’t been any training taken place, I feel it my duty to show you. As I said before, I’m leaving soon, so I won’t always be there to sort out the library cards and correctly record them. Then there are the other areas of my service where I’ve done my part. I was asked to help with any given project and so I made myself available, I’ve showed up, I participated, I gave input and ideas, I followed, then I was disrespected, I loosened my reigns, and stepped aside…. In the end, I was the one who “let them down”. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and will be eager to help, but I’ve learned I can’t please everyone, so when I see myself not being valued, I know when to step back. Don’t say I didn’t try, please don’t.
I have 5 months left here, and I still have a bag of tricks
up my sleeves, I have the energy. I have
a notebook full of everything I want to help with, as I know you do to. So let
me ask this again. Do you really want it?
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