Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Decisions to Make




I can’t believe that I have only a few months left in Swaziland. It feels like just yesterday I was packing my bag getting ready to go. Now I am trying to make those “what’s next decisions”. I’ve honestly fallen in love with this place and don’t think I am anywhere near ready to leave; then on the other hand, I think “ok… I’m 26, it’s time for me see more before I get to old.” I think of my options back home: the possible job opportunities, grad-school, and my lifelong commitments. Sometimes I think I am ready to settle down, and then there are those days when I have an idea of how I want my future to turn out, and the idea of being rooted down in one place doesn’t quite fit. All things considered, even though it is my life, I feel like I have been too selfish sometimes, and I am ignoring the needs of those around me. Yet, in the grand scheme of things, don’t I have to ultimately do what is best for me? This is where my dilemma lies.
I’ve already been invited several times by my superiors to extend my service and stay a 3rd year in Swaziland. I know if I did stay that it wouldn’t be a waste of time. I would actually be getting a lot of work done, and may even see several more of my projects be fulfilled. Life in Swaziland is good, despite some criticism and ignorance I face there, the people are friendly and overall, the way of life is easy. It’s not nearly as stressful as America.
Ohhh America… How I miss you. I often spend my free time missing the finer things in life. I wish I could take some of those nice amenities back to Swaziland with me. I also miss the relationships that I have at home. In Swaziland, I am always surrounded by people, but at the end of the day, I feel alone. I don’t have that connection and understanding of being a part of my culture. It would be a weight off my shoulder to be back in the place where “I get it”. Everyone in Swaziland says I’m a Swazi now and that I’ll never go back. I’ve integrated very well, but what’s the point if I’m doing it alone?
So these are the current decisions I am facing. While I am home in America for the next 3 weeks, I will be taking all of this into consideration and try to actually give an answer to those who have been waiting for it. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.