I've Lived

The past two years have been the most fulfilling years of my life. I can truly say that "I have lived".

Happens to All of Us

I lived in Africa for over two years, but it wasn't until my final days that I felt like I was actually living the authentic African experience. What does that really even mean? Despite everything I had  experienced, I still had my expectations. If you've read my blog, you know I've killed a chicken, I bathed in a bucket,  went to traditional weddings and other cultural events, I've even met people from the royal family. I sang, danced, and dressed like the locals. I walked down the same dirt roads  and waited for the same public transport that the majority of the country takes. I've slept in thatched roof huts, and ate dinner with my hands, sitting on the ground by candle light. I've seen poverty and been around the plagues of death that have stricken this continent. So why is it that I felt like I hadn't seen Africa? I'll tell you why, it's because I hadn't seen lions. Yes, the answer is as easy as that.

My two years, I purposely didn't think of this as like a vacation or a mission. I came simply to live. I didn't have my camera out every second taking pictures,  I didn't buy a single postcard and I didn't try to analyze everything I encountered. I just let things be and rolled with the punches. My approach was how I thought best to handle my life at the time; other PCVs did so differently, and that is perfectly ok. But because I acted the way I did, things that I encountered, that of course were different, didn't freak me out or surprise me. As a result, I felt more comfortable at my site. I rarely left, didn't take vacation, didn't spend my weekends in the capital, and didn't have a whole lot of expats as friends. My life was in Swaziland, and so to think of the African experience where I lived, is just as confusing as asking you how your experience was when you lived in "___(enter your old address)__". You'd say it's cool or whatever other emotions you had attached to the place, but chances are you wouldn't say that it was AMAZING or UNBELIEVABLE!! Basically the way I feel about living in Africa is how I think people who live in NYC or LA feel. If you meet a New Yorker, yes they probably love living there, but it's not all hype for them, it's just life. I hope this is making sense.

So back to my original statement about not feeling like I had the African experience until my final days. I felt like it was important to share that even the most culturally aware people can still fall victim to stereotypes and tourist traps. The next blog post will be all about my two week farewell vacation through Africa, but I wanted to first give you readers just a glimpse of my thought process as I was transitioning from one phase of life to the next.

Embarrassing Moments

    When I was sitting in the airport, catching up on my magazines, I came across the articles about people confessing their most embarrassing moments. It made me think about all the times I had done something ridiculous over the two years. So without any hesitation, it's confession time. You're welcome.

Language
It's no secret that there are always some language barriers when you try to communicate with someone who doesn't share the same first language as you. I was fortunate to be in an area that spoke fairly good English, but that did not exclude me from making a fool of myself when it came to communicating. During my first two months of PST, we learned the local language, Siswati. In one of the lessons, we were learning body  parts. I was learning the word for "butt", which is "sibunu" (I think I spelt that right). However, when I went to repeat the word to my language instructor, I said another body part, which happened to be 100 times more inappropriate than the intended word. Needless to say I made him blush and he called me a "naught naughty girl". Opps!

Then there was the time when I told my students to "get out a sheet of paper". I didn't understand why my students were laughing. Since none of them had followed my directions, I said it again, "take out a sheet of paper". The laughter kept rolling in. I eventually realized that to them, my accent made it sound like I was saying, " a SHIT of paper"; so that whole time they thought I was cursing.

This next incident wasn't really a language barrier, it was just me being stupid. When I was in the capital city I saw a girl who looked familiar. I shouted her name but she didn't respond. I knew this girl though! So I shouted her name again, nothing. I finally went up to her and said hi. She equally recognized me and we embraced in a hug. I then began to make small talk with her and asked her about her family whom I knew were visiting America. She looked like she didn't hear what I was saying, so I continued to talk about her and her family. She then began to speak like she knew what I was talking about. A few moments later we boarded our khumbi that would take us to my village where we are both from. But when I saw her get off the bus 20 minutes before our village, I realized I had made a huge mistake! She wasn't the girl I thought I knew after all! I did know this girl, but I only knew her as my friend's sister who I met briefly once. I was confusing her with another girl who I knew because she went to my church every time she was in town. Now it all made sense.  She wasn't deaf, she just didn't respond when I called her name because I wasn't calling her name! And she didn't understand why I kept saying her family was in America, because they weren't. She was so sweet though to oblige me in my idiocy. Every time I think of this incident, I feel so stupid. God bless her.

Clumsiness
When someone falls down, I can't help but laugh. I am no exception to my rule. When I fall down, run in to walls, or get smacked in the face, I'm the first one to throw my head back. For instance, there was the time when I was walking down the main road in my community. That route is host to the social center where everyone goes to drink. Basically it is the most populated area where you go to see and be seen.  Anyways, as I was walking past, this big truck comes down the road and it does not give way to pedestrians. I thought for sure that this truck would move, but its only a few yards away and headed straight for me. I end up having to leap out of the way. As I make my landing, I trip on my heel and cut my toe on wire. Blood everywhere. Then there was the time I was walking down the same road and coincidentally a car is driving down, not paying attention, and it almost hits me. Again I have to practically dive out of the way. This time I completely fall and scrape my knee. Blood everywhere.

Wardrobe Malfunction
Nothing is worse than standing in front of a class with your fly unzipped, oh wait there is. I taught an entire class with one of my buttons unbuttoned and my bra showing. Or how about the time when I was in the Indian Ocean swimming and my bathing suite kept coming off because the waves were too rough. Yes, boobs out, people everywhere. Then there was the time when I was at the annual Reed Dance, were nearly the entire nation comes to celebrate. I was dressed in traditional wear, so of course everyone wants to get a picture with me. Well the people got more than the bargained for when my lihiya (skirt) fell off as I was posing for a picture, and I am standing there in front of everyone in my underwear. Wish I could make this stuff up.

Sometimes it's not about being exposed as it is how you dress. For example, in the rainy season, the roads turn to mud. It is horrible. So what do you do? Wear rain boots. So as I walk around in my rain boots, feeling cute; people are laughing at me. For a while I didn't understand, but then someone explained it to me. The rain boots I was wearing were the type of boots the "cane cutters" wear. Cane Cutters are kind of like the lowest position who work in the fields all day and cut sugar cane.  So people in my community thought it was too funny when they saw a white girl wearing those same boots.

Speaking of mud and people laughing at me, there was the time when I had "mud butt". I'm not talking about the mud butt people joke about when they are on the toilet, that is gross. I am talking about the time when I was walking down the muddy road in my flip flops, because at the time I hadn't bought the rain boots yet. As I was walking, the back of my flip flop was flicking mud up on to my orange pants! The color contrast was horrible and noticeable. It took over 15 minutes for someone to actually tell me I had mud on my butt.
Thank God, I'm back in America and I don't have to worry about such things anymore.

"I'll Show You What I'm Worth"

I am so proud of my girls. I mean really! If there is one thing that is an accurate display of the emotional struggle and growth that I went through, it would be in the establishment of the Girl's Empowerment Club. When I first came to SD, I really thought that this was going to be a fun project where all the girls would get along and have a good time; I guess I have my Girl Scout days to blame for that. I was quickly humbled when I found out that just because I'm the new kid on the block with all the cool toys, didn't make me popular with a lot of people. I was reduced to being mocked and made fun of by staff and students. I've said this before, and I'll say this again... never in my life had I been treated so badly*. The reason I stayed was because I didn't take it personally; these people still didn't know me. That's what happens when people are afraid of something that is different or challenges their beliefs-- they try and kill it. Don't believe me, just look at the news or open a history book. The same kind of thing happens everyday in America and around the world. So this challenge of getting the girl's and the community for that matter to be accepting of someone different from them is the reason why I stayed, but trust me, it definitely wasn't easy.
If you've followed my blog, you've seen me write on several events that the girls did over the two years. We had fundraisers, meetings, drama and performances, contests, a back to school bash, and now we had our final hiking trip. Most, if not all of these activities had gone unnoticed by our supporters (SWAGAA). The leadership in that organization had been unstable since the time I had been there, and as I said the coordinating staff at my school had been out to get me since day one, so they were no help in passing on messages to and from SWAGAA. Nevertheless, my girls persisted and continue to be the strong examples that their community needed.
This year, we held our weekly meetings; the only difference was that instead of doing the same mundane lessons that the girls have heard over and over, I decided to switch it up a bit. In our meetings, the girls would hear a popular song about empowerment, whether it be Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, or Beyonce. Then the girls would have an open discussion about what that meant to them. One song that really stuck with them, was Katy Perry's Firework. The lyrics go:
    " 'Cause, baby, you're a firework. Come on, show 'em what you're worth. Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah", As you shoot across the sky-y-y. Baby, you're a firework. Come on, let your colours burst. Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah". You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe"
The girls were so inspired by this song because a lot of times their society doubts females and reduces them to second classes citizens. To them a woman is only as good as she can cook and clean. But these girls have realized that they are so much more than that. They want the world to see just how much they are worth, and what their value is; and their value is something much high than money can buy.
In addition to the song in the meetings, I  had the girls lead the sessions this time. What better way to be a leader, than to lead? Some of their lessons topics included: "Girl-talk" where they shared personal thoughts and feelings, "Friendship", and "How to Be Healthy". I was so relieved that I didn't have to do the lessons, they covered the information their selves! Which goes to show that these kids are smart, you just ave to give them a chance.
So on to our final meeting, er I mean final activity. On the last day of the school term, 19 girls went to the Mlawula Nature Reserve which is just minutes away from the school. I was shocked to find out that they had never been! Anyways, we all went on a nice nature hike to the top of the Lubombo mountains where the girls could see the sugar cane fields that surround our tiny village. After we did our hike, we came back to the camp site for a braai (cook out), and then we played some games. The only leaders there were myself and our mentor, so I was surprised when SWAGAA actually came in their SUV carrying a sound system! They girls were so excited to finally get some recognition and attention. For so long, they have been told that they need to be more active and they other clubs did more stuff. In my mind, I'm just thinking, "if these people only knew...". Well now they know! As a result, SWAGAA announced that the club will officially be launched and will be getting more funding. They will also be using our club for different fundraising and awareness events around the country.  Look at MY girls! Yes, I am saying MY GIRLS, because they have been so close to my heart since day one. Even before they knew it and accepted it, I loved these little beauties. And now look at them, they have a strong club, they have become leaders, and they are now trying to get others to join.
They have definitely started a spark in their school and I believe they are going to carry it with them as the mature and make it in this world.

* Now that I have left my community and Swaziland, I feel a bit more comfortable about telling my readers about the "real deal". I love my community and my school, but I HATED the treatment I got from a good number of people who claim to be "holier than thou".  I believe being transparent is the best way to learn and communicate, so here you go. Ncesi.

When Shakira Made Me Cry

I had my final swan song, and it included a life size cardboard bus, mini Michael Jackson wannabes, and Chinese fans. Confusing I know, but stay with me. I am talking about the Africa Umoja Concert at the school where I teach dance. "Umoja" means spirit of togetherness, and that's exactly what the concert was about! Over a period of 4 months, I taught the kids how to do zumba, jazz, lyrical, hip-hop, how to dance with props and acting. All of this was within the influence of dance throughout African history. The director of the show, and also my favorite counterpart because she gets me, based the concert of the popular African show titled by the same name as ours, Africa Umoja. The show takes you through African culture over the years by song and dance. Starting with the traditional dances, gospel songs, gumboot dancing, jive dancing that was found in the clubs in Metropolitan areas, and so on.

Our concert consisted of over 13 songs, combined with the senior school. I was in charge of choreographing the junior school. Since I don't have the capability to post a video of the hour long concert, I'll have to just tell you the play list. 

           1. Waka Waka- the dance group of the school, did a routine to the popular song by Shakira that was the theme song of the World Cup in 2010. FIFA World Cup South Africa may have been over four years ago, but the pride the continent felt for hosting such a big events is still as big as ever. This song, Waka Waka was the opening song of the concert. The girls were dressed in bright neon colors with sequins belt and wrist bands that moved when they shook their bodies. This song now has a special meaning to me, as I cried in the middle of the airport when I heard it weeks after the show.

          2. Flag Parade- I'm not sure who the composer of this instrumental song was, but it was such a cool jazzy number where we did a lot of things. In this song, we had 19 flags of Africa represented on big glittery cardboard, we had 7 drummers, 8 ribbon girls, and 5 dancers. We filled the auditorium with this dance, coming in from all 4 wings, the 3 aisles in the back, and movement throughout the stage. The highlight was when the Swazi flag came down the center of the aisle and everyone cheered!

          3. Africa Sunrise- This was such a powerful song by Helmut Lotti. It talks about the beauty of Africa. I had 20 grade 2 girls come on in a weaving pattern on stage, carrying giant 1 meter fans. At certain cues in the song, the girls opened the fans. Because the fans were so big and the musical cues where drastic, the movement, while not difficult, was very dramatic. In the midst of the moving fans, was "mother Africa", she came on the stage and danced here lyrical dance with ribbons across the stage. Such a beautiful piece

           4. Jika- This is a very popular song by South African group Mi Casa. I would consider this song the crowd favorite of the concert. Not because the song, ok well maybe because of the song, but mostly because of the grade two boys who came on stage in a suit and tie with gold hats in tow. These little boys can move! I'm talking like "make you blush" kind of moves! 

            5. In the Jungle- this of course is the classic expected that song we wish to see performed by any little tyke. For the grade 1 girls, we had them dressed up a birds who were the main dancers. The cheeky little boys were the lions, and the rest were village people who walked on stage and conveniently got scared by a lion. Yes it was cliche, but its so cute when you see a six year old dressing in a big lion mane, carrying a stuffed animal lion on stage.

            6. Penny whistle-  this song by Mango Groove was the back drop to our "taxi scene". Our set director constructed a life size bus that the kids pushed on stage. We were acting out the comical and chaotic scene that is of the infamous  bus ranks of Africa. We had bus conductors shouting, people dancing through the rank, girls on their cellphone, businessmen, mothers with babies on their backs, someone selling fruit, boys playing with toys, and of course one little white girl with a backpack on walking through confused with a map. There was a lot of activity going on, but it pulled off well!

            

Those were the big numbers that I choreographed, there rest were all choir songs, or just ones were the kids walked on and off stage. Overall though I am so happy with how the concert went. It truly was the highlight of my service. 

Have a Mandela Kind of Mindset

My final month of work couldn't have been more stressful, yet more rewarding if I had wanted it to be. I saw a lot of things come into fruition, and I also saw a lot of things come to pass. Some relationships ended on a bad note, others were mended, and most were strengthened. Expectations where met, and disappointments were minimal. Overall I am 100% satisfied how things ended and if given another chance, I would do the whole thing over in a heartbeat. The PC saying is true, it is " the toughest job you'll ever love". 

 The weeks counting up to my departure, I was pressed with making sure I got all my life skill lessons taught. My class had to work at a fast pace which was the opposite of what they were doing with all their other classes. Instead of taking a break during their exam weeks, we kept working and made up classes throughout the term. I wanted to do more activities with them, but realized that it would just be too much. Thankfully, the English teacher saw that we were working on job skills and writing resumes. I wanted to take the classes into the computer lab to type them out, but time did not permit us with that luxury. So instead of using the limited amount of classes I had left, the English teacher is going to continue with the writing if the resumes in her class.... At least that is the plan. I am proud of my Grade 11 class through. Sure there could have been a lot of improvements with that class, but they have been dealt a bad hand; however they are handling it as best they can without much help. For example, my class didn't receive books, so everyday I had to print out pages of their book from my one copy (which yes I know is also a privilege that my school even has a copier). The students weren't given folders or anything else to secure their papers. Knowing that these students are still young, I didn't expect them to keep perfectly a years worth of information in their bags, but to my delight maybe only one or two ever lost their stuff. We also crammed  three terms of curriculum in two. Now typically I normally bash teachers who just rush through the syllabus to get it done, because I feel the students don't really learn the information. This was not the case for my kids. The national standards say that students only need a 60 to pass and be on track, well my students had a class average of 89% with no one below a 60! There were only two lessons that I did not get to with the students, but once I met the new PCV replacing me I knew that she would be a perfect fit to teach those last sessions and it would be a good way for her to warm up with the students. Wishing the best for her! 

I was a little bit nervous about leaving because I thought everything I did might just fall (and it still might, only time will tell), but again I am so thankful that my site was replaced by a new PCV. The library I started at the primary school was still far from being finished and the new PCV was willing to continue it when I left. In the beginning of this blog I said I had some stressful and disappointing times, well this was one if them. If there was one thing I could change about my service, it would have been to have spent more time at the primary school. The library project was probably the biggest thing that needed to be done, but for many reasons it was a hassle to get started. My final months, literally down to my final days, I was held up in the library for hours a day trying to get it done. Personal feelings aside, I didn't want to complete it for my own glory; never once was this one of those " look what I did" situations. My sole purpose for being so stubborn and wanting to get this library done was because this is the one thing that the kids wanted. Everyday the kids would come up to me and ask me if they can have library class, or if they could check out a book. I so much wanted them to tell them yes! If anything, the biggest lesson I've learned here, development wise, is how important literacy is. The kids at the primary school, eventually will be kids at my high school. If we could improve their literacy when they are in grades 3, imagine how well they will test in Form 3!  Nelson Mandela said that "education is the most important factor of sustainable development",oh how I wish this concept would resonate! My mind will always be on those kids and that library; I pray for the new PCV as she is walking into this big challenge. I also pray for the teachers  that they catch on, and for the students that they hang on.

So Much to Do, Not Enough Time

I am left with 5 days in Swaziland, somebody pinch me! I can't believe it is time to go. There is still so much I have to do. My biggest obstacle I am left with is writing my Description of Service (DOS). This is hard, because I haven't even had time to think! There has also been so much that has happened in the past month that I haven't had time to blog about.

So I just wanted to send out a hey there to all my readers. I will be absent the next couple weeks, but I promise to fill you all in on what's been happening. I'll be blogging about my last days in SD probably when I am sitting in the comfort of my own bed or a Starbucks. But before I get there, I am going to spend 2.5 weeks traveling through Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, and Zimbabwe. Until then...

...Sala Kahle.